All You Need is Love...

Let’s face it. We live it every day. We can try to ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist. But honestly… it surrounds us whether we want to admit it or not. Life. Death. Do you know if you will be here on earth tomorrow? And let’s say tomorrow for you didn’t exist, all the while you stood looking down at the world you once knew. Would you wish you had lived that last day differently? The raw truth…. We are not immortal and each of us will have our last breath.


So in this very moment, you are obviously reading my thoughts on this blog online. But before this, what were you doing? Were you with your family? Playing with your children? Spending time with a loved one? Chasing your dreams? Were you camping? Were you pouring a drink? Did you just finish shooing your kids away? Did you just walk away from hurting someone else? Were you sitting on the couch, watching tv alone wishing you could have something wonderful but for some reason you feel it’s not possible for you?

This world has just as much evil as it has good. While someone just saved a child’s life and is embracing him/her… sadly, someone in the world doesn’t see the value in life and just took a child’s life. This makes me want to cry when I think of the reality of it all. For all the good in this world, the opposite is also happening at the very same time…. Somewhere, right now.

So what AM I doing right now? If I looked over my life tomorrow from above, would I wish I had done things different? It may be crazy, but I truly live each day as if it’s my last. This very moment in my life, my son is playing with friends outside. I had a work out video going and in-between sweating up a storm, I’d pause the video and write a few sentences then go back to my work out which I just finished. The song “The Head on the Door” by The Cure was playing and now a song by Shaggy just came on that reminds me of a close friend in Seattle that I miss so much who I will see in a month. Earlier, I was cleaning. This morning, I was sleeping in. And last night, I had close friends over to my home. Friends I consider family. So much love filled my home last night and I witnessed a special moment as I snuck a peek in the kitchen to see one of my close friends and her husband dancing. It warmed my heart. In the near future, I will be with my family back home for a visit. The thing is… if I left this world before it happened. In their hearts… they know I would have been there. And right now, I’m smiling… I wouldn’t change a thing.

There is a young girl I mentor that I meet with every week. One week I saw her and during our walk… she said to me, “I may be dead next week and then I wouldn't be able to go”. Not her words exactly but it was enough to make me tilt my head sideways and look at her quizzically. I told her, don’t say that because you know it’s not true. And her reply was, you don’t know. It could really happen. What’s so wild, is that she is right. At first, I was a little taken back and wasn’t sure how to respond. I knew it was her imagination at work and let me tell you this kid is super smart. She changes my world every time I see her. After she said that, I smiled at her and said, you know what???? You should be a writer! Your imagination is sooo amazing and creative. And in that moment, I embraced who she was even more than I already had. We continued walking down the wooden path through the trees… and with our minds, we turned the bird sanctuary into a forest full of lions, hyenas and angry hippos hiding in the trees. We found a secret path that led to an alien creek where it was centuries old so we named the hideaway. And our journey through her mind continued till we left the park and I took her home. We made notes that the next time we would paint our nails in the park. And on our three month anniversary of us meeting eachother, we would make a snowman out of ice-cream. I sooooooooooo can’t wait!



And to conclude, here is one of my favorite quotes. This one from James Dean (love love love him!!!!)

• Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today. ~ James Dean



As the song starts playing on my itunes by the Beatles “All you need is love” (seriously, no joke)

Facing the “Dog Eat Dog World”

Reflection ~ Careful thought, especially the process of reconsidering previous actions, events, or decision.

Reflection – A powerful word in my life.

I believe, how someone lives their life is in their own hands. You make your world. If you are happy it’s because you take those steps to be happy. If your life sucks; take a look at yourself in the mirror. Circumstances in life can be uncontrolled sometimes. Unfortunate things happen. How you determine moving forward is a choice and the choice you make, builds the path you walk on.

To be thankful and grateful when things are rough is not easy. I’ve considered “what if”. What if I lost everything I have. All those possessions we hold on to. If I lost my home, my job, my belongings and I was facing the “Dog Eat Dog World” – it is only myself I can trust. Myself to look at this world and find strength to stand back up on my own two feet. If I went down, I’m going down fighting. Nobody can take that from me.

Each year, I reflect on my life. What made me happy? Did I have thoughts wishing things were different and what was it I wanted differently? Four years ago, my goal was to find my home and I did. After putting down the foundation, it was time to build. Three years ago, my goal was stability and now, I feel stable. I love my careers and everything that surrounds me. But I was missing friends in the area so two years ago, my goal was to build relationships and find trustworthy friends to surround me. The next year, I felt lonely and I wanted someone to share my life with so I tried dating and completion of that year brings me to where I am now. I am reflecting on this past year and I have found, it’s not a partner I need to find happiness. It’s me. I realized, what I wanted for myself was incomplete. So I stopped dating and now I am focusing on myself and my dreams.

What is the one thing that scares me? What is my fear and am I willing to face it? I am comfortable in MY world. Putting myself out there, opening myself up to other people… is my fear. It’s been a fear so long that it’s defined who I am and it is the last thing holding me back from my dreams. So this year, I am facing my fear. Let me tell you, it’s not easy facing this fear. I am reaching down so deep within me as I try to conquer this. I was frightened but I decided to take that step.

I joined a committee and the first meeting attended, I was very intimidated. However, I forced myself to talk even though I was shaky inside as all eyes at the table were focused on me. I felt so completely vulnerable.  What an awful feeling which led me to the thought, I need to find a way to get over this. I wanted to make impact on the community and myself. I started volunteering which put me in a place to communicate with people unknown to me. That led me to being a mentor to a young girl who is now changing my life. I joined Toastmasters so now I am staring my fear directly in the eye. While speaking in front of people, things happen to your body that you can’t control. Turning red, shaking, being emotional, sweating uncontrollably and not being able to talk clearly because you are so nervous. However, actually doing it is helping me to learn how to adapt. Till I am comfortable speaking publicly, I cannot change how my body reacts when I am scared or nervous however each time I perform, I learn to adapt. Wearing a cool, comfortable, loose professional top and bringing deodorant that day can be the biggest difference in the world. At that point, I’m not focusing on the fact that people can see me sweat. I’m focusing on the next thing I need to adapt to so I can conquer the next and so on. Till one day… I can look back and say to myself. “I did it.”

To put myself out there with my art isn’t easy. Opening yourself up for criticism is hard. If someone has something to say about you and you don’t like it, do you say “screw you” or do you think about what they said to you? Is it true and you just don’t want to see it? Can we be that ignorant and deny ourselves improvement? How will we grow if we can’t accept the reality of how the world views us as individuals? The quote I live by “The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.” ~ Charles Du Bos. This morning, I was criticized when I put myself out there during my continued search trying to find a gallery for my work. I was sooo nervous and didn’t know how to present to him what I needed to correctly and it all came out wrong. I knew that and its part of the learning process. One thing though, he said something to me about my choice of words regarding my art. Honestly, I didn’t realize my stumble as I spoke but he was right. He dug to my core and honestly, it stung a little but this person I don’t know and may never know just changed my life. His advice is now a part of my foundation and path to my future. This is just the beginning of what I’m about to experience and it’s scary. But it’s my life and my dream and I want live it. I have a lot to learn and I’m ready for it.  The experiences I have shared so far are not the only things I am conquering this year.  However now, I'm not just thinking about what I want.  I'm acting on it.  As scary as it may be... I'm walking the path.



It’s a “Dog Eat Dog World” we face. How we deal with it, is up to us. We choose our own path. My choice is to stare it in the face, get past it, grow from it, conquer it… And Live My Dream.

The Mood of My Art.

The only time I paint is when I am in a great mood, calm, and happy.

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Many years ago, there was an incident in my life causing me to feel so much anger and hatred inside. After grabbing the only angry color I owned and taking over a canvas that I was saving for a different piece, I began painting with my hands using the brightest red which was a color I never imagined myself to use... all the while, music in the background blared so loud you could feel the vibration through the floor. For hours I painted my anger out till I had nothing left inside. Years later, I couldn't look at the painting nor did I want to own it anymore because it reminded me of such a horrible time in my life which I wanted nothing but to forget its existence. My son wanted it in his room and we hung it there but I still felt so unsettled inside knowing the reason why I painted it. Every bad memory was embedded into that canvas. There came a day when I met someone who absolutely loved that painting... a friend of my sons. Within moments and without any hesitation, I asked if he and his family wanted that painting and could give it more life and appreciation than I could give it. Because honestly, I truly wanted to throw it away and never see it again in my home. It took a little convincing to my son giving it away to his friend but after he learned the feeling it gave me, he shortly agreed.

Ever since that painting was signed, I vowed never paint again when upset or angry because I knew that one day, that is all I would see when I viewed my art.

There was a time when I attempted a painting when I felt distraught inside and of course, after a day into it... I knew continuing that course wasn't right for me so I waited till I was settled inside and began repainting it all new which ended up being one of my favorite paintings. "Unleashed".

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"Ominous" Is hopefully in the care of someone who will love it much more than I ever did and can embrace it with a vision full of beauty, hope, and love...

This Moment is Mine....

I needed a getaway. My wish was my command as I boarded the plane and flew toward the sound of ocean waves. Sand between my toes. Margaritas. Strolls through wealthy neighborhoods and seeing designs I can only dream of. Endless shopping. And empty beaches. It was I alone on the sand and only my ears listening to the sound of crashing waves. Hints of sun touching my face. Warm breeze whisping my hair into my face over and over again. Three days of solitude.. A time of peace. I had plenty time to think and find myself again. And that.... I did. Before my trip was over, I was anxious to return home. When I did arrive home and walk through my front door, I welcomed all of it... arms wide open. I can't even explain right now how I am feeling although I do know without a doubt how I'm feeling. If I started to explain with one thing, just the tip of the iceberg would be told. Then it would lead to the next and the next and the next and before you knew it, everything I feel would be written, right here and right now. But I don't want to write about it. I just want to feel it. Absorb it. I don't fear it. I'm holding it close to me. This time... I don't want to share. It's all mine....................................................................

Crossroads...

When life has surprised me... good or bad, I find myself in deep thought.

When life hands me something good... I am grateful, humble, and know I am fortunate.

When life hands me something bad... I try to find my strength to find something good in it.

Right now... I have both. It is a crossroad I'm at and my mind is quiet because I'm listening.

I've been praying before I fall asleep at night. Not for much. I pray for strength. wisdom. and strength again.

This is my journey... and for now, it's my journey alone. My mind will guide me. My instincts will show me. And my heart will lead the way.

Life can be a rocky path and though I may stumble along the way... or others may stumble beside me getting in my way...

I know without a doubt and believe with all my heart ~ if I keep doing what I know is right. In the end, whatever the end may be. Everything will fall into place... I still have faith in that.

You say Potato... I say Potato...

Wow. I found it! I went to an old profile I had long ago. While I was revamping it.... I found a quote I've been looking for but couldn't remember!

Describes me to the T! when it comes to how I feel about religion.

"There is one God. The same God. Prove to me that there are two Gods! We just pray a different way and in a different language. You say potato, I say potato. You say Alah, I say God."

:-)

Light Play

It has been a rough start to my new year. So much is going on and I am doing everything in my power to not think about any of it. In the end, I know everything is going to work out perfectly and the way it should be. I am trying to have patience while I drive on this graveled path and I am starting to do fishtails. I need to rest my mind before I spin out control. Calm. That is what I need and I thought I'd rest my mind with something I enjoy then maybe I can finally sleep.

In addition to painting, I love taking photo's. One of my close friends trusted me with his nearly $3000 camera which I was almost afraid to accept his offer of letting me play with it for a day. But I couldn't resist and spent my day outside taking pictures of nearly everything that caught my interest. When I was finished, I printed and framed some of them and hung them in my sons room which looked pretty dang sharp!

Thought I'd share the pictures. Or some of them. That camera was pretty amazing :-) I was in love for a day.